


Welcome to Shiganshina

by Feneris



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Ancient Walls, Community: snkkink, Fusion, Gen, Man Eating Giants, Sheriff's Secret Police, Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-14 11:17:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1264408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feneris/pseuds/Feneris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Community Announcements from the walled town of Shiganshina. Features, trans-dimensional rifts, kids selling lemonade and assassinations, food eating contests, ancient walls, and man-eating giants seeking to devour us all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to Shiganshina

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I had just started listening to Welcome to Night Vale when I got the prompt for this. Wrote the whole thing with Cecile's voice saying all the words in my head. Was kinda surprised at how easy it was to distill the basic plot of SnK into the whole WTNV format.
> 
> In any case, enjoy!

It is vast, soulless, inhuman

a massive bulk of gluttony and insatiable hunger

But...

No more inhuman than any of us at least..

Welcome to Shiganshina.

\---

Good day Shinganshina. 

Just this morning, man-eating giants appeared at the edge of town and have started devouring people left and right. Pastor Nick, from the Cult of the Holy Walls has written a statement, assuring the public that there is nothing to worry about, and that the three ancient walls that encircle the town will keep us save from these man-eating giants forever. More, as the story as it develops.

In other news, local children Eren Jeager, Mikasa Ackerman, and Armin Arlert have opened up a lemonade stand, on the street corner, in front of the Ralph's. Proceeds from sales go directly to their travel fund, with the eventual end goal of allowing them all to see the world.

Lemonade is ten cents a cup, "special" lemonade is two hundred dollars a cup, and assassinations are ten grand, in cash, up front.

Now listeners, I don't know about you, but I can think of at least a few people off the top of my head that our fair community could be better off without, and since the proceeds go towards a good cause, take yourself to the street corner in front of the Ralph's and enjoy an nice refreshing glass of lemonade, among other things.

This just in! The man-eating giants have apparently just breached the first of the three ancient walls that encircle our town. We sent intern Thomas to the scene to investigate, but he has since been eaten.

To the parents of Thomas Wagner, know that your child has served the cause of community radio bravely, and we are sure his death wasn't too horrible.

And now for our community announcements.

Local teenager, Marco Bodt has just had half his face and torso ripped off by a teeming mass of spiked tentacles which emerged from a trans-dimensional rift which opened in his bedroom last Tuesday. Marco's parents are understandably upset by this occurrence and have demanded that the trans-dimensional rift return the other half of their son, as its absence is affecting his schoolwork.

Sasha Braus was crowed the champion of Shiganshina's annual food eating contest this weekend. Our intrepid Sasha not only ate her way through whatever was put in front of her, but several of her competitors as well. Congratulations on your victory Sasha, you've earned it.

Breaking News! The man-eating giants have just now launched their assault on the second wall!

Commander Nile Dawk, of the Sherif's Secret Police, has issued a statement saying that there is absolutely no danger of the second wall falling just like the first wall, and in fact that the first wall hasn't fallen at all.

He then went on to say that the man-eating giants do not exist, and are mere figments of our imagination, and were in no way attempting to devour everyone in this town.

More on that later, but first, the weather.

...

...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I've just been informed that due to the fact that this is a text based broadcast, and not our usual radio show, that we will be providing you with imaginary weather today. Enjoy!

....

....

Now, an update on the man-eating giants which have besieged our town.

Good news everyone, the man-eating giants have been driven back beyond the walls, thanks to the brave actions of local child Eren Jeager, taking a break from the lemonade stand, who through a simple blood sacrifice, turned himself into a man eating giant, and proceeded to conduct a righteous genocide on all other man-eating giants within town limits.

When asked as to how we has able to turn into a man-eating giant, Eren just shrugged and said, "I don't know, ask my dad."

The Sherif's secret police also made an announcement reminding everyone that the man-eating giants did not in fact exist. Also, anyone who knows anything on the whereabouts of Dr. Grisha Jeager, are asked to contract City Council or the Sherif's Secret Police. If you see Dr. Jeager, do not approach him, just point and shout "THERE'S THE BASTARD!" and the Secret Police will do the rest.

It's been an exciting week Shiganshina, and when I look up at the endless void, and think of the non-existent man-eating giants, I realize how precarious life is, and how we're only moments away from being picked up and fed feet fist down a steaming, gaping maw.

And just a friendly reminder, the Dog Park cannot harm you.

Until next time, goodnight Shiganshina.

Goodnight.


End file.
